Saturday, March 11, 2017

It's a hawks . . .

Saturday. Sofa. Coffee.

I am facing a tough decision and a tougher course of action on this cold, crisp Saturday morning on the hill.  After tossing and turning for what seemed like a couple of minutes I came to the realization that I must take an unpopular stand.  My sister Deb and her husband Robert must be banned from the hill.  

Yesterday, while I was at work, they came up the hill to our parents' house, which has finally been cleaned up and out. Mom and dad have been gone for more than a couple of years now.  I don't know what Deb and Robert were doing exactly, probably one of those bizarre United Methodist rituals, like a blessing of the wild animals or something, (Robert is a UM pastor), but as a result of their mysterious incantations they lured a hawk into my parents' house.  Yes, that's what I said.  Into the house.  Not the yard or the carport.  The house.  We'll never really know what was going on in that house all Friday morning. All we know about the incident was the light-hearted video that Deb and Robert produced in the yard.  She giggled innocently as she operated the camera.  He held the hawk under a shroud, suddenly throwing it into the air.  As it turns out, hawks can't fly so well when wrapped in a shroud.  The shrieks were frightening.  And that was just Debbi.  The hawk was too shook up to say anything.  It fought itself clear of the shroud as it hit the ground, its wings exploding from its sides frantically grabbing for the sky.  The hawk circled the yard crazily, and coming to its senses, made its escape. Toward my house.

But that's not all. Later in the day I received a text that the driveway up to the hill was blocked by a huge tree.  Robert said it had "fallen" about the time they were getting ready to leave.  And then I found this photo:

No, that is not Bernie Sanders, although now that I look closer at this photo there is more resemblance that I have noticed before. That is Robert, my brother-in-law who had just claimed that the tree had "fallen" across the road.  "Fallen?"   I think not.  Clearly Robert grabbed that tired old pine by the trunk and pulled it down till it broke, and then, as proven here, carefully placed it across the drive, completely blocking the way for those of us without super powers.

So I hate it, but I really have no choice.  Deb and Robert must be kept off the hill. It's just too dangerous to let them come.  I can see clearly now what they have been up to, working for weeks with little help from the rest of the siblings to clean out the house.  I knew they were up to something.  Thank goodness I figured it out in time. Thank goodness they got the house cleaned up before I figured this out.

Figured out what?  I don't know for sure.  But it is obvious that they are up to something. There's the mysterious religious hawk incident (I've seen the video) and Robert's freakish super strength (you've seen the photo) being used to block the drive. All on the same day.

I love them with the love of the Lord and I want the best for them, but the evidence doesn't lie.  Deb and Robert are up to something and it is scary.  For the sake of the children, as much as I hate it, we have to keep them off the hill.

Yeah I know, I can't believe it either. 

 But the facts don't lie.

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