The fat of the land . . .

Have you ever been in a swimming pool and stood in front of the nozzle where the water is pumped back into the pool from the filter? The water shoots in a jet stream. And if you have done that did you let the jet stream of water hit you in the stomach and look down at it? Your belly I mean? If you have I bet you considered going on a diet or possibly throwing up. The jet stream makes the fat around your middle ripple and shake like cottage cheese. It is disturbing. Try it and tell me I'm wrong.

Or have you actually started an exercise program (maybe after the swimming pool nozzle experience) that included running and realized your thighs or love handles started aching, not from the muscular strain but from bouncing up and down with the rhythm of your stride?

Or have you looked in the mirror after dressing and wonder whether you put your belt on because it is being obscured by something lapping over it, which you wish was just extra material of your shirt but you know it is part of you?

Have you added bacon grease to salad dressing?

Have you tried frying fresh fruit?

Have you planned a complete football Saturday during which you never had to leave the sofa except to go to the bathroom? (Let me know if you found a way to get around that)

You may be an Alabamian. But the good news is Alabama is not number one. We are number two.

When it comes to being fat Americans.

Once again let the familiar cheer of gratitude ring out, "Thank God for Mississippi." Then stop to catch your breath. Mississippians are the fattest in the land. I suppose "obese" is the politically correct term. But in this case p.c. doesn't seem much better.

Why are we so fat?

It is easy to blame our recipes laden with cream, butter, and pork fat of some description, as well as our gift of figuring out how to fry anything. But that has always been the diet of the south, and yes, we should change some of those things. Even skinny folks arteries can clog up under a steady diet of fat and salt.

But we haven't always been fat. At least not this fat.

We just don't move around as much. Unless we are riding on motor driven wheels. That is another thing we are great at. Birmingham, Alabama, has recently been named as one of the top gas guzzling cities in the country. Is there a correlation between these two high rankings?

I think so.

Have you ever jumped in the car to go eat fried chicken or ice cream at a restaurant less than a mile from where you work? I have. And I jump into the car at my office almost every day and drive two blocks to find a parking place at the courthouse. But now that I've admitted that I will not do it anymore. Thanks for letting me share.

So, maybe we should all admit why we are obese, or overweight, or out of shape. Because if we admit to someone else we are a bit overweight, and that we ride when we should walk, or we eat a bag of chips because we are nervous about anticipating the conclusion of Lost or the winner of Idol or the choice of Bachelor as we lie supine on the sofa, or that we deserve ice cream because every day seems to require a bit of comfort for sanity, then we have made a start. If we choose an accountability partner who is fully capable of ridicule as well as encouragement, maybe we can change. For the lesser.

A body mass index of 25-30 is overweight. A BMI above 30 is obese. Check yours out on this BMI calculator.

Over the past ten years I have lost about 35 pounds. The first 25 pounds took about nine years and 9 months. I was proud of that sustained loss because I did it right. More exercise and a better diet. The last ten came off in the past 3 months. I lost that through stress. Not recommended.

But even with the last ten pounds, I have just lowered my weight into the healthy range, according to the calculator and the BMI recommendations. I think I must be "big boned." I don't know who made up these calculations, but I suspect it was a bunch of marathon runners and Lance Armstrong.

I may be skeptical about the BMI calculations, but the eyes don't lie. Just take a trip to Wal-mart, or to your favorite buffet. The tensile strength of spandex and knits are being tested everywhere you look and it is not a pleasant thing.

And even in the high end restaurants check the serving size on the plates. A single serving would be enough to take to a covered dish dinner at the church. And we in the south have been taught as a matter of culture to clean our plates. Especially at the prices charged by the high-end restaurants.

I ate salad for lunch. Not for my health, at least in the body fat sense. I was just trying to keep the Lester United Methodist women happy by supporting their salad luncheon fundraiser for the Lester pre-school program. I learned early that keeping the UMW happy was important.

But it was good. And then I hopped back in my car and drove the three blocks back to the office.

I've got work to do. I don't mean at the office. I mean on my health habits.

Go take the swimming pool nozzle test and I'm sure you'll join me.

Cause when it comes to our health, we need to give ourselves more than a fat chance.

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