I helped eat a pan of Special K Bars last weekend. Not the snack bar found on convenience store shelves. Homemade. A healthy base of Special K cereal mixed with peanut butter, corn syrup, butter, sugar and chocolate. There is probably some other stuff, but I don't know because I didn't help make it, I just ate it. It took all weekend to eat because this batch of Special K Bars had an added benefit.
You couldn't do anything fast when trying to eat them. I don't know if there is a scientific scale for such, but this batch of SKB could have been used for the standard for the ultimate degree of chewiness. As a result of that consistency, removal of a piece of the confectionery delight from the pan required such a whole body workout that the number of calories consumed was matched by the number of calories burned during the removal process. A couple of Cutco knives were dulled during the effort. And then, when success had been achieved in excavating a chunk of the gooiness and it was popped into the mouth, it had staying power, providing about 983 chews per tablespoon. If you have been wanting to develop that strong, square jawed look so valuable when running for political office, negotiating a sale, or taking a photo for a dating website, then this is the snack workout you have been looking for.
Eating the Special K Bars required a little more work, was a little messy, and took time. They were delicious. And slow. Something to chew on.
There will always be a place for quick fix snacks, small, mostly sugar morsels that melt in the mouth and disappear after a quick burst of satisfaction, like Pixie Stix or Skittles. They will get you by for a moment when there is no time to do anything else. But they have no staying power.
There is nothing to chew on.
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