Don't blame me, I'm medicated . . .

I never thought too much about it when the nurse reads off that list of things in a medical history. I've had a boring medical past, so it goes quickly and without a lot of thought. A few days ago I had to undergo a simple "procedure." They tell me it was simple, but I was asleep the whole time.

Anyway, before the "procedure" the nurse was going over the medical history checklist.

"Are you allergic to . . . " I'm not really sure what it was she said. I just know I never have really been allergic to anything, so I said no.

I have never had a "procedure" or a surgery or anything like that, so how was I supposed to know anyway? Turns out I was allergic to something that they must have slathered over a third of my body. Fortunately it is not the kind of allergic that causes cessation of respiration or heartbeat.

It was the kind that made me look like I was wearing a flaming red pair of hot pants when I was buck naked. From my waist to a few inches above the knee I was afire, and not in any way that could be viewed as good. It has created some embarrassing social and professional situations as the irrepressible urge to scratch this unbelievable itch overwhelmed me, controlling my judgments and my actions. I apologized to the judge and colleagues this morning for any inappropriate relief I might seek in court. That brought on the predictable "what you got in your briefs" comments. Dignity has been given the week off until the steroids kick in.

But it's just one of those things. The nurse and doctor did exactly what they were supposed to do. Apparently I am allergic to the antibiotic wash. I'm glad they washed away all those biotes. And I answered the questions truthfully.

But I just didn't know.

Other than that the procedure went smoothly. Next time (I hope there isn't a next time) I will be able to answer the question with knowledge born from experience, and things can go even more smoothly.

That's just the way things work. We do the best we can with the information we have.

You just never know what works and doesn't work until you try. You can't know what you can't know. You just do the best you can.

I could criticize my doctor and nurse, but that would be foolish at best and slanderous at worst. They performed perfectly.

The only other alternative would have been to do nothing, and that would have caused untold pain, far more than the present minor inflammation.

Sometimes you just have to do something, even if you honestly don't know everything you wish you knew.

Thank God for those souls willing to take action when it is needed, even at the risk of inflaming a few do-nothing asses.

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