Bonus cause I can't sleep post . . .(spiritual centering)

Some time back I received some information about a conference on becoming spiritually centered.

The hard part is knowing who is doing the centering.

Is it God or is it me?

I have practiced centering prayer for awhile. Okay, a subtle distinction, I have practiced at centering prayer. I had read a couple of books and learned from others' experiences. But it was hard. I developed my own ritual. A single candle in the middle of the table, the rest of the lights out. The flame was my centering device. A couple of minutes of slow, deep breaths, feet flat on the floor, back straight, hands in front of me on the glass table.

So I started aiming toward the center. I was in a spiritual sprint. Squinting my eyes, furrowing my brow. Within a few seconds, my mind was racing off on some tangent about the events of the day past or the one to come. Failure. Then I would try again.

Just like water-skiing. When I was learning to water ski people kept telling me to just let the power of the boat pull me up and it would be a piece of cake. I thought that was what I did. But really I was pulling as hard as I could against the boat. It would seem like I was going to be able to pull myself up, but when I was almost standing, I would fall. Didn't really hurt the boat, but it just about killed me before the afternoon was over. Every muscle in my body was fighting to stay up. Arms bent at the elbow. Thigh and calf muscles trembling with fatigue. And I was not out of the water yet.

By sunset (yes, I am a bit stubborn) I was about to give up. I had no strength left to fight. Somebody in the boat leaned over and told me, "Try one more time. You're tired. You don't have to pull yourself up. Just hang on to the rope. Lean back and hold on. Keep your elbows locked. Wait till you feel the rope pulling you up." Sure, like I hadn't heard that before.

But this time it worked.

I had no more strength to do anything but let the boat pull me up.

The thing about having a God centered life is that God must do the centering. All those "good" changes I think I must make, and all those "good" things I think I must do, and the "good" person I must become are probably just my own creation, my own need for control, to be "good."

It is quite possible, I think probable, that some of the things I may choose to change are things that God has chosen to be as they are. I may be choosing against the center.

A few years ago a friend of mine told me that she was always careful when she found herself thinking, or saying "I should . . ."

She was right way back then.

The hardest part of becoming spiritually centered is doing nothing. See, it is hard to even think about it. Surely to become centered I must dooo something. But we are the creation, not the creator. The creation waits.

It is God Who centers.


.