Valentines musings . . .

St. Valentine was a martyr. Actually several St. Valentines were martyrs. At one point in history there were more than ten St. Valentine's Days on the church calendar. They died the death of martyrs. There is no historical evidence that any of them brought chocolate, roses, or went to Jarreds. (I hate that commercial). They were not known for being romantic. They were just martyrs. The romantic mythology came along with Chaucer, and it was based on an incorrect interpretation. But it was a lot more fun than martyrdom, so it stuck.

Before February 14 became St. Valentine's Day, a celebration of martyrs, it was a Roman pagan festival of fertility and all that comes with it. It seems the two celebrations continue to co-exist even to this day.

So for many it has become a day to martyr yourself in hopes of surviving to celebrate the pagan festival.

Okay, that's a bit extreme. But it is tricky.

But here's a tip guys. Women watch television too. One of the gazillion ads offering suggestions to helpless men is the pajama gram. I think that is a pretty cool idea. The tv ad is tasteful. Comfy pajamas for the woman you love delivered right to her door. It is intimate yet functional (unlike the traditional red lacy lingerie purchase so popular among men). But then the commercial gets stupid. The announcer says, " Delivery on Valentine's guaranteed if your order is placed by Friday. She'll think you've been planning this for weeks." Unless of course she watches television too.

What about chocolate? Absolutely necessary, but it just keeps you in the game. Even gas stations have valentine candy for sale. Not having it may be fatal, but having it means you have only done what is expected. Remember, women are more knowledgable about chocolate than men. There are degrees of chocolate. There is chocolate that says you are cheap, and you probably don't even know it, except for the great deal you got on two boxes for five bucks.

Roses? Same as chocolate. But enhanced with an original poem or love note. It's better to not try to write the note using the steering wheel as a desk while sitting in the driveway. Somehow it's hard to summon your muse under those circumstances. I think muse are usually female and would probably would be disgusted at your lack of effort. Stay away from the convenience store roses. Nothing wrong with them, but she will know when the vase of green stems is surrounded by fallen petals the next morning.

It's just hard on a guy these days. A romantic dinner out . . . with the thousands of others spending an intimate night out crammed into the normally pleasant bistro waiting for a table? Now that's a recipe for romance.

Then there's jewelry. Same as chocolate and roses. Don't shop at the gas station.

Here's the most important thing. Go ahead and try. Because love makes all things better than they are.

Standing together over a heart shaped box of chocolate on the kitchen counter, taking test bites to see which ones are good. Watching beautiful hands unwrap roses, cut the stems, search for the right vase, and place them where she can see them. Being asked to help fasten a new necklace around your favorite neck, even though you know she does it perfectly well by herself almost every day.

And the comfy pajamas?

She'll think you're a saint.